Between the Grey
by Analulu Tavarez
At the start of the Covid-19 pandemic, the shared experience of having to continue “as normal” while suppressing the looming anxiousness that is casted behind uncertainty was something felt by a great majority of society. The abrupt stop to “business as usual” forced individuals to be stuck with themselves during the first stages of the quarantine. Many felt devastation, loneliness, and confusion when the rushing rapids of everyday life came to a stop, but only in that stillness were they able to rediscover hobbies, reach out to old friends, and revive the missing pieces of themselves lost to time. For a great many, the frantic emotions went away as the streams of life began to flow once more, but what many don’t realize is that that was only an inconspicuous taste of what someone with an anxiety or depressive disorder lives through every day. These poems and paintings are the manifestations of my own self reflections as someone with depersonalization and anxiety as I isolated myself (both in a physical sense and in an emotional sense). My creative process involved meditating on specific instances/episodes where I was at my most vulnerable, and in this vulnerability, I was able to understand a little better what was happening to me. I know that in time, this false persona which I present to the world and use as a “temporary fix” to my struggles, will dissolve and whoever I really am will come to light, whether that be for better or for worse. My hope for those who look upon my works is that they may choose to look within themselves and explore the fragments of themselves they’ve abandoned or rediscovered through this isolation.
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